Sunday, July 17, 2011
Imagine the tearing down, remodelling, rebuilding and stretching that would be required if my Belleville home above had physically turned into my Fredericton home below...That is exactly what it feels like has and continues to take place in my entire person as I am stretched and changed to facilitate expansion.
Change, Stretching, Expansion...
It would seem these three words are not only the definition of my past year but continue to define all that surrounds me.
Change has become my norm.
Preparing to have my first child leave home for University two provinces away.
Deciding to sell our Belleville home and pursue our dream of returning to the Maritimes.
Renovating our home in preparation for listing it.
The long, drawn out process of showing and finally selling our home many months later.
Having my husband and second son leave for NB 4 1/2 months before the girls and I were to follow.
Learning to be a single parent to our girls, care for and show our home and still work full time all the while missing my boys more than I dared consider.
Coming to grips with leaving a career I had worked hard for and the future opportunities that came with that position.
Leaving the city that I had spent the most years of my entire life and that had been the only home any of my children had known or remembered.
...and the list continues.
For every one of those transitions out, there is the adjustment to the resulting transition in to our new home, city, province and overall environment.
At times, I feel like I have whip lash from trying to look around and observe all that has and continues to transpire around me...as it is happening.
I am not certain that I am accustomed to all that is my life as a result of change but I have gotten quite used to the process of change itself.
Just when I feel like I can't process or cope with another change...I find myself in the midst of one more transition.
Transition forces me to look within and I am acutely aware that I truly am not strong enough.
If I solely relied on my own coping and processing tools...they would be sorely insufficient.
I really can't do this...YET, it is being required of me.
I have come to understand one thing for absolute certainty;
when I am weak, the One I have loved, trusted and served my entire life is made strong.
His strength is perfected in my weakness, He fills my every gap, He enables me when I feel I simply can't go on.
If He is leading me, (and the fact that He is has been made clear repeatedly), then he will make a way.
Part of His making a way...is giving me the tools that are not mine by nature, to follow this new path and to walk through the doors that open before me.
Some things that I felt I had to give up were not really, they were added to. As is the case with my Belleville friendships.
Others like my home have been replaced yet in every case I am seeing the fulfillment of Ephesians...that my God is more than able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than I dare ask or even hope.
My new home is a stark reminder of that, though we loved and remodelled our Belleville home to be all that we had dreamed at that time...our new home is so much larger and more beautiful and has features I'd forgotten I ever even dreamed of.
Since I was a little girl, I always wanted a sunken living room and had forgotten until about three days after I walked through my new home for the first time. I'd been concentrating on the two wood burning fireplaces I always wanted, the ensuite, separate closets....then suddenly remembered my long forgotten dream.
God never loses sight of our dreams.
I never thought a "job" would be a hard thing for me to give up, I knew I would work eventually in Fredericton and as pay scales were much lower in this new province, my hope was to find something close to what I was making in ON.
Very suddenly and with so much less effort than I had anticipated...I found myself in a new career, back in my roots of banking and earning significantly more than I had left behind in ON.
I never would have anticipated that one!
I am so thankful that on this roller coaster of an adventure I call life...He is my safety and security and that he reassures me with every twist, turn, uphill climb and heart stopping drop into the unknown.
I could never have designed this path, this adventure...but I wholly trust the One who has and am determined not to look at my weakness but to feel His strength in me.
Besides, I have felt the desperation that comes with feeling like you are at a standstill too long.
I'll take the roller coaster adventure any day!