Friday, May 11, 2012

I Believe I Can Fly

When I first saw this picture, it brought tears from my heart to my eyes and down my cheeks.
It is so full of symbolism that has been spoken to the depths of my heart and spirit over the past many months.
Any bird would have spoken to me deeply but here on the eve. of Mother's Day weekend, a picture that holds life changing meaning for me....complete with a Hummingbird.
My Mother's very favorite and one that always brings a smile as it reminds me of her.

For many, many months my heart has been in tremendous turmoil.
As I cried out to God, searched my heart, sought counsel and tried desperately to know both the truth of my heart and the path I was to journey; a picture came to my mind and my heart.

It was of a beautiful golden, domed bird cage, there was a fragile little bird inside and the door to the cage was open.
The cage could not be more beautiful...gilded in polished gold, ornate, a prize among bird cages. was indeed a cage.
It felt safe.
It was all the little bird had ever known but it was lonely and the heart of that little bird bore so much unuttered pain.

Over time, I would see that little bird inch ever closer to the open door of the gilded cage.
There were times that she stood on the very threshold of that open door and even caught glimpses of what was beyond.
There were times where she would hop to the farthest recesses of that cage in sheer panic.

In her heart of hearts, she knew she belonged on the other side of that open door....but fear gripped at her tiny heart, what if she had forgotten how to fly? The panic would set in as well as the gripping fear and the little bird would become paralyzed from moving beyond the safety of all that was familiar to her.

Pressure, circumstances, heartache and disappointment would push the little bird to the precipice time and time again but that little bird knew that none of these things were what was to propel her forward.
She knew, even in her wounded state that courage, bravery, strength....the need to be free, to feel, to be whole, to experience the fullness of life; to value who she was created to be; were to be her driving force.
The way had been made....the door was open....but the choice was hers.

Many months past and much had taken place, then I saw the little bird and the golden domed cage once again.

This time, I realized that the little, still so weak and fragile bird was indeed on the other side of the open door yet she remained full of fear that taunted and tormented her ravaged mind...what was she thinking? She would never be able to fly again.

A week ago, I went to a women's conference and had it not been hosted by someone I knew and trusted I probably would never have gone. 
In-fact, the whole time I was driving there on the Friday eve. my entire being was recoiling at the idea of being around so many people. I went because deep in my heart of hearts I knew there was something very real and very personal for me there.

I'd never heard of the key note speaker but she was transparent, funny and full of wisdom. Something about her mannerisms, her stories and the way she spoke reminded me of my mom's two sisters. 
I liked her immediately.

She closed one service with a song that was so unexpected, so timely and so inspired, it caught me completely off guard and I was undone.
At first, I could not even sing the words due to the pain that gripped my spirit.
Time and time again, they sang the chorus and one fragile layer at a time, it penetrated my spirit and my heart and freed my voice....

Suddenly, I saw that little bird once again.
No longer did she look weak, frail and wounded.
She had taken flight and had discovered that she was stronger than she'd ever known and indeed was created to soar.
As she spread her wings and discovered all that had been beyond her understanding, her heart too began to soar, experiencing a depth of freedom it hadn't known in many years.
The weight and turmoil began to fall away and the little bird felt whole, free and capable of fulfilling all of the purpose she had been created for.